Author: The Harvard Lampoon
Release date: November 3, 2009
How I got it: Bought
About three things I was absolutely certain.First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe.Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead.And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.Stupid funny, adjective: A type of funny in which things sometimes make no sense, but the audience doesn't care. In a sentence: Will Ferrel always has the BEST stupid funny movies.
Fact: I LOVE stupid funny things. South Park, Monty Python, Will Ferrel movies...it like what reality tv is to most girls my age; it is so terrible but I can't stop watching it nor do I want to. So naturally Nightlight had me LOL-ing, ROFL-ing, and OMGICBWITTIH (OMG I can't breathe what is this this is hilarious)-ing.
Nightlight definitely had its moments when it could've been better, though. I kept waiting for them to talk about Edwort's face a lot, or comment on how poorly Belle handled life without him, but they never did. I definitely felt like they missed a great opportunity for some spot-on humor there, but oh well.
Then they had such great commentary on the original Twilight, like this:
“So, Belle, what's new today?"
Dad," I said, grasping his hands and looking directly into his eyes. "I'm in the deepest love that has ever occurred in the history of the world."
"Gosh, Belle. When someone asks you 'What's new?' the correct answer is 'Not much'. Besides, isn't it a little soon to cut yourself off from the rest of your peers, depending on a boyfriend to satisfy your social needs as opposed to making friends? Imagine what would happen if something forced that boy to leave! I'm imagining pages and pages would happen - with nothing but the names of the months on them.”And some things they just threw in to make fun of Meyer's writing:
“Listen' he whispered ferociously, like a ferocious breeze or a very gentle hurricane.”
“Muurp," muurped Edwart.”
Several things they joked about were just totally different from Twilight, of course. The Harvard Lampoon twisted the story around in any way they possibly could, but most of the time I found what they came up with to be hilarious. Take this for example:
“It suddenly occurred to me that, after all that frolicking in the meadows, he hadn't kissed me. Was it because of the mold that grew in my sinuses?”
Plot: What plot?
Characters: What total spazzes.
Writing: Not...very good. Purposely, sometimes.
Ending: Kind of strangely sweet?
Mature content: I think there was some swearing? I don't remember anything that struck me as inappropriate, though.
No one dared talk to me while reading this because I was laughing so hard and often everyone just assumed I was crazy.
Seriously, this book had me in laughing fits. My little brother kept trying to kick me out of the living room because apparently I was laughing too loud. This definitely isn't a book for everyone, but if you like stupid funny things, I HIGHLY recommend it.